I went to the memorial service for my neighbor/friend, Diane, this morning at a local Unitarian church near where I live. She was only 49 years old. I have heard some hints from other neighbors and friends of hers that the coma she had been in for weeks was the result of negligence by the staff of the hospital where she had gone back in December for care. Diane had battled with serious kidney problems, I believe from Lupus, for a long time... Successfully, I might add. She was a real warrior. All it took were a few folks not paying attention to the orders a doctor left to finish her. It makes me both angry and sad that her death could have been avoided.

To the point, Diane was a good-natured servant of her community. A softball coach whose girls looked up to her. An avid student of pop culture. Everyone who came in contact with her became her friend.

Why do I bring up this memorial service? As patently strange as it sounds, her memorial was the most inspiring funeral service I have ever attended. There wasn't a seat empty in the church... family, friends, loved ones, neighbors, former teammates and girls she coached... All of them came out to bid her farewell. More importantly, they were there to CELEBRATE HER LIFE not to LAMENT HER DEATH.

Diane's best friend and parnter presided, showing a slide show of Diane's life she had edited to a soundtrack of few of Diane's favorite songs. She did a beautiful job. She very lovingly told stories about Diane and invited other friends and relatives to do so. Several of her friends and family told moving stories about how she deeply affected their lives. Diane made a huge difference to the people around her, and her passing has left an immense hole in their universe. However, the focus of this service was to celebrate the gift that her life was to the lives of her family and friends, not to focus on her passing.

Coming from an Irish-Italian background, I'm used to large Catholic wakes with lots of crying, heavy drinking, eating, and lamenting. Then, there are the extended relatives showing up trying to abscond with the deceased's possessions. My associations with funerals and wakes are pretty bleak. Today changed that for me. Diane's people did it a whole different way. I like their way better.

I knew Diane as an easy going neighbor with a ready smile. She seemed to have no lack of friends. She love animals, sports, reading, music, art... everything that makes life interesting.

Diane very quietly used to come to our Friday's Child shows, including the taping of Live at Luna Stage. She always brought her friends with her. She had no lack of them. As much as I liked and respected her and appreciated her open support of the arts and obvious intelligence and sensitivity, I really didn't truly know who she was until today. Today, the outpouring of love from her friends and family... the poignance of their stories... gave me a clear window into her life. Her people remembered her with what can only be described as joy.

Yesterday, when I left the house to go to an appointment, Diane's friend who ran her service, approached me outside.

"Tom, right?" She said.

"Yes." I replied.

"Diane really loved your music. Especially Lion's Fall. We played if ro her all the time when she was in the hospital." She let me know.

I was shocked. Diane had come to several shows, and I had given her some discs. I knew she seemed to like the stuff, but then again, she was very nice. I had no idea she REALLY liked the music. I was at once touched, moved, flabbergasted, and sad. I didn't know what to say, so I made the feeble reply,

"Really? Wow! I had no idea. Thank you! I'll, of course, see you at the service tomorrow morning."

"Great. That would mean a lot to her." She replied.

At that moment, I realized that my involvement in my own private struggles kept me from really SEEING Diane and her own daily uphill climb. At the service, I learned that she would go hiking in the mountains and travel all over the country... on dialysis! I mean, talk about someone who knew how to enjoy life! She went EVERWHERE. Most of us would have been sitting on the couch.

Today's memorial for Diane was set to a diverse soundtrack of some really incredible music, in particular a knockout of a Neil Young song called "Only Love Can Break Your Heart."

Apparently, for the past several decades, Diane would drag her friends to see live music everywhere. The artists were people like Patty Smith, Melissa Etheridge, the list goes on, BEFORE THEY WERE FAMOUS. If she saw an Indie film, then a year later it was a hit film. If she read a new book, then a year later it was an NY Times Best-seller. She had her finger on the pulse of what was up and coming. The purity of her love for art and music inspired me to go home and play my guitar for several hours, just to hear it out in the air.

I feel honored to have had a place in her music collection. I am honored to have known her.

In "The Last Samurai," Ken Watanabe tells Tom Cruise,

"Life in every breath. That is Bushido!"

In a sense, Diane had an intrinsic understanding of Bushido. Despite her daily hardship, she truly lived life in every breath. A lesson to us all.

Someone told me that worry was a bad meditation on the wrong thing. If Diane's untimely passing teaches me anything, then it's to worry less and appreciate more.

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